How to ask for forgiveness: useful tips to sincerely apologize

There is no doubt that in reality there are many benefits of asking for forgiveness. Understanding, yes, at sorry as the remission of the merited penalty, of the offense received or of any outstanding debt or obligation (according to the definition that the dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy makes of it).

Thus, forgiveness is finally understood as said who has been harmed by it: remit the debt, offense, fault, crime or something else.

But it is not the same to forgive than to ask for forgiveness. These are two very different situations, which require two different approaches for the person to face them. On the one hand, we are before the offended individual, before whom he receives the apology request. On the other hand, we face the "guilty" individual, who theoretically has been confused or offended the other.

In this article we are talking about sincere apologies, not those that are made by compromise, since we warn you that if you really do not feel it there can be two reasons: that it is not your responsibility or that you do not see your error.

It is important that you analyze the situation well and that you try to put yourself in the place of others before making the decision to apologize superficially. This will not help you and much less those around you because there will be no learning and the error will repeat itself.

How to apologize? We help you with these steps

We know that, in most cases, it is not easy to ask for forgiveness, or to venture and make the decision to apologize. Actually, the truth is that what it costs us (more or less) will depend directly on our own personality, and more specifically on whether or not we are proud people.

Therefore, below we list the 3 steps that we consider most effective to apologize:

  1. To say I'm sorry". Recognize the error in front of those who have been offended or damaged.
  2. Offer compensation for the damage caused. It is true that there is not always a fair compensation for the damage done but you can always offer something that helps to improve the situation of the injured party.
  3. "Accept your responsibility." By saying forgiveness you are exposing yourself to the opinions and judgments of the people around you (this fact is why we sometimes avoid saying "I'm sorry"). But this step is the first phase of the forgiveness process. If you do not cross this step, you will probably never find forgiveness on the part of the victim, you will be able to reach the oblivion or burial of the situation, but you will not be forgiven.

The error is part of our life and we can not avoid it, what we must remember is that "To err is human but to ask for forgiveness is to be human".

And is that as we mentioned at the time in a previous note, there is no doubt that to ask for forgiveness sincerely is something extremely healthy and beneficial. Why? Fundamentally because apologizing means we have stopped to think about how the other person might have felt (that is, we are being empathic). And, besides, you realize that maybe your performance was not the right one, and you may even feel ashamed for it.

Moreover, it may be that both the relationship itself and the communication between both improve, since it tends to be very common that when you apologize to someone the hurt or offended person realizes that you have also realized what You have done, and will accept them.

The key, as we see, is clear: knowing when we should apologize, how to do it, and above all, knowing how to always choose the best time, given that sometimes it is better to wait and -for example- be patient than the other person " recover "and do not feel so hurt. In these cases there is nothing better than time, which calmly tends to cure everything (or almost everything). This article is published for informational purposes only. It can not and should not replace the consultation with a Psychologist. We advise you to consult your trusted Psychologist.

How to Apologize - Best Tips to Get Someone to Forgive You (November 2020)