Live with assertiveness: what it is and how to be more assertive

It is never too late if we want to improve and continue on a more conscious path and with a better quality of life. Surely at some point in our lives we have stumbled upon some person we had close to him and his vision of seeing life or simply a mere phrase has made us reflect.

Probably, when we returned home we have been analyzing and translating what those words wanted to convey to us. Our life can become more healthy and conscious when we see relationships and our own gestures accompanied by the hand of assertiveness. Being more assertive many times will make us resolve situations with maturity and tranquility.

Do you know what assertiveness is?

It is a skill that can be achieved by working from inside the person. We are assertive when we say what we think or feel being clear and direct without hurting or belittling the other person. Put more closely, we will express what we want to say under affection and affection, defending your rights as a person.

We know that we are being more assertive when we express what we think or feel but first of all we are being aware of the other person and we have no intention or need to intentionally wound you.

In many cases not only the lack of communication with the couple, friends or family but also the way we express what we want to say gives rise to something that can be a grain of sand becomes a sand dune. We know that, on occasion, we anticipate ourselves before listening to what the other person wants to tell us. By our own judgments we tend to judge him / her and we really are not even really understanding what he / she wants to transmit to us since we sometimes show aggressive behavior.

Therefore, it is convenient to work hand in hand with assertiveness. And, even if you do not believe it, you do not have to be a psychologist or a therapist. For this, only with a little desire to improve can we carry it out.

This is achieved thanks to social skills

We understand the social skills As the set of behaviors that gives the person who possesses them a greater capacity to achieve the objectives, maintaining their self-esteem without damaging that of the people around them. Among them we find assertiveness, but also empathy and active listening.

The empathy it is the ability to put oneself in the place of the other, to understand and experience the position of other people.

Another important skill is the active listening. This involves paying attention and showing interest in what the other person is saying, accepting their feelings, listening without judging what they say.

What styles of relating to others can we observe?

Maybe it looks very easy or you do not take too much attention to the way we relate to others. However, it is quite important. There are three ways to relate:

Aggression: They do not care about the feelings of others. They take advantage of other people.
The Passivity: They do not clearly express what they want and feel. They do not defend their rights.
The assertive style: They clearly express their wishes, opinions and needs. Respect the rights of others.

What thoughts harm assertiveness?

The way we think, our own beliefs are what condition us most of the time. These determine the emotions and behaviors we have. They cause us as much problems with ourselves as with others (demands, catastrophism, rationalization).

It also happens when we make incorrect interpretations of the reality we perceive (exaggerating the negative, radical black or white thinking, overestimating others' mistakes).

We tend to be wrong to assume who is responsible, or what, is the cause of our emotions (is that I am like this, external attribution).

In summary…

The best we can do is start thinking and being responsible for how we think and feel. Taking responsibility for our emotions and actions will be the first step to change. Softening and stop feeling attacked or judged will be the best way to begin to flow towards assertiveness. This article is published for informational purposes only. It can not and should not replace the consultation with a Psychologist. We advise you to consult your trusted Psychologist.