Tantrums: what they are and what to do when our son has a
You are in the supermarket and suddenly your son stops, looks at you, points and starts the show. First with a soft cry and then the tone goes up while the other customers observe him to see what he does.
Obviously, you look to the sides watching how they judge you and trying to avoid disaster. Do I give him what he wants? Do I drag him away by force? Do I leave the supermarket and I'll come later? Help!.
What is a tantrum?
For the peace of many parents, it is important to say that a tantrum is not a sign that a child is "spoiled" or "capricious". It is something normal and natural that appears mostly in children of between 0 and 3 years old.
The child tantrum is the equivalent of frustration. Imagine that you have been working on a document on your computer all afternoon and it has been 5 pages. Suddenly and without warning the computer shuts down and you lose the hours of work you have invested. Do not you get up with rage and some swearwords shoot out? When you leave, maybe you will not slam the door? Or maybe you go out to the street to clear yourself and not "kill" anyone.
You are already an adult and you know how to handle the situation. The child is still learning and needs some guidelines, that is the only difference. News: your son is frustrated.
What I should not do to make the tantrum worse:
- Get angry.
- Employ physical strength
- Surrender to your requests.
Then what do I do?
First stop criticizing yourself and ask yourself if you are educating your child or not and focus on that isolated situation. You have your child in front of you, pointing to something from the supermarket and gradually increasing your level of frustration.
Take a deep breath and try to put yourself in the skin of your child for a moment. The first step is to know What do you want exactly?. Know if you are pointing out something you want to take home or if you simply want to show something on the shelf to interact with you or get attention. In this case, suppose you want to take something home.
To start evaluate if what you ask to carry is inappropriate or not. You place the line and the limit. In the event that you decide to take what you are asking for, you should not take it until the child is calm and understands that he is wearing it because it seems like a good idea and not because he has cried. And in case you do not consider it appropriate to bring the article, lower your child's height and making eye contact and soft tone begin to communicate with him.
Explain to him that in this case they will not take the article because they do not need it. The explanations must be concise and adapted to the language and comprehension of your child. Probably your child will continue to disagree and your frustration will increase, remember that it is your way of expressing your failure. It is therefore vital that we remain calm so as not to create an even more stressful environment.
Behind the do notIt is important not to go back even if the child cries. Once the decision has been made about what he is going to do, the child will have it clear even if he / she kicks it and will only have to help him handle his anger. If, on the other hand, he gives in to anger, he will realize that when he cries, shouts and forms chaos, what he wants becomes a reality. In this way, he will repeat this behavior as many times and as necessary to achieve his goal.
Finally, give him another option or a function. For example: "This is not going to take you but what do you think about taking this other and putting it in the car? Take, take him. " In this way we not only divert attention from negative behavior but we promote a change of activity where it can be helpful and he feels useful.
In case these methods do not work, do not despair. If the child continues with his tantrum we will simply approach him and give him a simple order without anger like: "when you stop crying I listen to you" and ignore the negative behavior.
But once the child abandons that behavior, we will quickly attend it without losing the tranquility and we will focus on calming it, since after the tantrum what our son usually demands is sweetie.
These steps to follow are not always simple, since adults have certain schedules at their backs and we try to carry out activities as efficiently as possible. But if we stop and for a moment we adapt to the rhythm of our children, the tantrums will diminish or each time these will be shorter over time and more controlled. Thus, on the one hand our son will learn to self-control and on the other we will avoid those uncomfortable situations. This article is published for informational purposes only. You can not and should not replace the consultation with a Pediatrician. We advise you to consult your trusted pediatrician.